July 12

July 12, 2010

Hold On!!! Hold on to yourself cuz this is gonna hurt like hell- Sarah McLaughlan

The parlor was quiet. I sat there, smoking a cigarette and having a cup of coffee. Had anyone been there you would have called me a dark study, there were certainly clouds over my face as I contemplated the things I had seen. A Viking was in the coffin next to me. I would have loved to have had a chat with him, but he was already in his daytime rest when I got in. He did leave a note on the refrigerator door.

I will speak to you soon. Eric

I was hoping I could chat with him alone. I don’t know why. Maybe I was looking for assurances from the Vampire. What assurances I did not know, but I knew I needed them. We all needed something from the Viking, but I knew there would be little he could say to us, and even less he could do. Maybe it was simply because he was a Vampire. I missed the peace and quiet I felt with Bill. He was always so calm to me. I wondered if I would feel that calm again, or would I feel the static of his anger? At any rate, I wanted to just sit beside him and feel that intangible something that was a part of who he was as a Vampire. That calm.

I decided to get up and clean the parlor. We would be back at the Compton place later but today, I just didn’t have the heart to work on Bill’s house. I always knew this summer would be brutal, but I didn’t know it would make me feel this bad. The fracturing of the fragile humanity Bill had struggled to build for himself was too much for us.

Eric of course was struggling too, and I felt soft toward the Viking. He was going to get a taste of what it felt like for Bill, to rediscover the soul that can love, even without reason, and love someone who was not Vampire. Perhaps that is what I wanted too. To feel that gentleness that was there as he contemplated himself as being more than Vampire. Because that is what I felt about Bill. He was Vampire and I never thought he had any other sort of Vampire life. I knew he had been violent and scary and remote. I knew all those things about all the Vampires we were friends and lovers with. They had all lived Vampire lives, which included acts of savagery. But now they were more than Vampire. They were something so close to us, it was a little scary. For them and us.

I worked through the day, interrupted only periodically as Renee and Scarlett and Fairy wandered in and out of the parlor. I dusted and picked away the brown leaves of the Boston ferns and gave them a drink of water. They were giants, growing under the warm light of the room’s lamps. I dusted and ran a vacuum and mopped the slate floors of the kitchen and washed the dishes by hand though I knew I could just pop them into the dishwasher.

Finally, the room smelled pleasantly of Mr. Clean, lemon oil and dish soap. The day was waning. I felt like Sookie felt when Sam made her clean her house when she thought Bill had been burned up in the Monroe nest. I had even gone through the thick files I had stacked up by the computer and tossed things that I no longer needed. I was sitting on the couch and sipping a cold ice tea when the sun went down. I got up and heated a Tru:Blood to give to Eric when he woke. When the bottle was warmed, I sat it on a coaster and sat back down and lit a cigarette. Finally, I was rewarded and Eric came out of the casket. He looked over at me and stood up and stepped out of the wicker casket and let the lid down. He came and sat down beside me. He picked up the warm bottle and sipped it. He watched me smoke the cigarette and when I stubbed it out, he put an arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him. He said nothing, nor did he make any other overture to touch me beyond his arm around my shoulders. I could smell him. I don’t know what Sookie was talking about: Bill didn’t smell like anything. They all smell like Vampires, that dry, clean smell, but they also had a personal smell with that scent. It took no super human ability either to smell it. I could walk into a room with Renee and she could scent the air and tell who was in the parlor.

Eric smelled like nature, the smell of spices and salt and the good clean earth. I nestled a little closer to him. He said nothing, just sipped his Tru:Blood, passive.

“Eric?” I said.
“Yes Aslinn?” he said.
“Will Bill be okay?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“Will you and Pam be okay?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” he said.
“Why don’t you know?” I asked.
“Being Vampire is not being all seeing, all knowing,” he said.
“I hate this. I don’t want bad things to happen to you or Pam or Bill,” I said.

“All of this has gone for centuries, the political maneuvering, the using humans as pawns, the intrigues and jealousies. They have always been this way. Even your Bram Stoker knew this when he wrote that ridiculous novel,” he said. “I thought you understood all of this.”
“I understand it with my brain, but not in my heart,” I said.
“You should not like us so much,” he said. “Any of you. You think you know us, and I suppose you do understand us more than most humans, but you really don’t know us, and you make us how you want us to be, You say to us, ‘Yes, we know you did things before the Great Revelation, and we accept it.’ But really you don’t. You like to use examples of the family cat who kills and maims for sport or for survival or food, and say: “That is what Vampires are like.’ But that is not the truth. They are pleasant lies you tell yourselves. We are far more than the murderers of songbirds. And perhaps we like it that you do because you can accept us more readily.”

“But we do Eric,” I protested.
“Why do you think so? Because you warm a bottle of Tru:Blood and sleep with us and say ‘I love you’? Because you research our world and learn as much as you can and you ask us about our lives?” he said.
“We try our best to know about your world,” I said.
“And that I appreciate. I am not unaware there are humans who want to know Vampires just to fuck Vampires,” he said. “But all of you are interested in more than that. And that has its own allure, its own attractiveness. Perhaps to your detriment. You and all of you should never forget that we are Vampires and we can hurt you, intentionally, unintentionally, I imagine it won’t feel any differently when we do.”

“So, that is all you can say? ‘We will hurt you because it is in our nature regardless of whether we mean it or not?’ That isn’t fair Eric,” I said. “You told me to trust you. You told all of us to trust you.”
“I think perhaps I was wrong,” he said. “I should have told you not to trust us. Perhaps now you would not be in such pain. All of you.”
“It’s too late for that,” I said. “We do trust you all, else we would not allow you to be here, to come and go, to coexist with us. We know so much about you, even from your own lips, we have known all these things about you.” I raised up. “Maybe it is you who should not have trusted us. Did it ever occur to you that I liked the solace of the shadows I kept you in for so long because it protected you as well as us?”
Eric looked away. His grey green eyes looked far away. He leaned back and closed his eyes for a second. “You confuse me Aslinn. I don’t like being confused. You make me remember and there is a part of me that likes it and yet another part of me that hates it. Sometimes I look at you and I hate you, but I like you, too.”
“Would it surprise you to know I feel the same way? You all remind me that death is not the end, yet there are people who have come and gone out of my life with true death I could never bring back and I feel bitter about it. I like to hear your stories but they just remind me how brief my own history will be and there are some days I know you are in that god-damned basket and I want to stake you but at the same time, I would fight to keep you safe while you sleep. Bill and the others included,” I said.

“So complex, so like us, the Vampires,” said Eric. “Only a human with the spirit strong enough to be a Vampire could feel that way.”
“I wouldn’t be a Vampire if my mortal existence depended on it,” I said. “Not after all the bull shit I have seen you all go through.” I sat back. “Maybe that is what is wrong with Bill. He should never been a Vampire, he doesn’t have the spirit required to be a Vampire, though he is.”

“Bill is strong enough to be a Vampire, but too human to stay that way,” said Eric. “So, I say give up on him. Write him off. He is worm food. Stop mooning over him because he is a dead man twice over. Cut your emotional ties to him. He was bad investment, cut your losses. You had a few laughs, had a couple of good lays and the sun came up.”
“What are you talking about?” I raised up again. “What the fuck are you saying? Just give him up?”
“You practically have,” said Eric. “You think he has thrown it all away, you think he is too much of a pussy to get out of his current situation; you think he is scorched flesh. You did not work on his house today; you moped around in this parlor. You may as well sit down and write his epitaph right now, go out to that bone yard by his house and clear off that empty grave and get ready for me to return a bucket of whatever remains of him to you and his sister wives so you will have a place to visit him. He is a worthless Vampire, a worthless man who hates himself and who he is. He should be in the grave.”

I stood up and looked at him. “How dare you say that to me!!!!” He stood up and looked at me.
“Why are you and your sister wives so willing to give up on Bill? You despair for him and moan and groan over him and his precious soul. You don’t think he is very strong, and perhaps he isn’t. He would be no loss to me. He is worthless. I should stake him myself.”
“You son of a bitch, you stake him and you won’t have a safe place to sleep. I’ll put you in the ground and sow salt over the grave so nothing will grow over it,” I slapped him hard and regretted it because it felt like I broke my hand. He grabbed me and I struggled against him.

“That’s it Aslinn, fight me, fight those feelings you have because you will need all of that to get through what will happen next, all of you. Feel that anger? Fight for him against all comers, and when you are tired, keep fighting. Don’t ever give up hope. It is all you have left. It is all any of your have. It is all we have. You think I like this situation? You think I like it Pam is in the situation she is in? It is intolerable. I have to get to Bill and I have to have him alive and I will do whatever I have to get him out of his situation because I have to keep Pam safe,” said Eric. I calmed.

“But you are betraying each other,” I said.
“Don’t believe everything you see,” said Eric, looking at me intently. I felt the fire of hope blaze up. Eric let me go and stood back away from me. “I will bring Bill back safe and keep him that way if I can. Bill and I have common interests, keeping someone we care about alive: Bill is keeping Sookie alive and I am keeping Pam alive. Hopefully, somewhere in between, we can keep each other alive. I think between the two of us, we can figure out how to do this. But remember, you are all bonded to each of us.”

“With whom am I bonded?” I asked.
“Both of us. We both can feel you. So you have to have the courage for both of us,” said Eric, he grinned his lopsided grin. “I don’t like your sadness Aslinn, but I love your anger and passion and since you won’t sleep with me, the least you can do is be angry with me. It will give me energy. Bill, too.” He moved to the door. “Get good and mad Aslinn, and tell the others to get ready to get that way as well. We are going to need it.”

And he was gone.
Again, Mr. Last Word.

July 11

There was a hard glittery edge to my eyes as I gazed into Eric’s grey green eyes before me. There was a light sheen of sweat on my face and I licked my lips. He smiled at me, that slow, boyish, lopsided grin that captivated many a woman. My breath came out uneven and I could feel the heat on my skin.

“Are you in?” I said.
“Oh, you would know if I were in Aslinn,” he said softly.
“Be careful, Eric,” I said speaking with confidence I really did not have because I knew, in the end the Viking would win.
“It will hurt only for a second,” he said.
“Will you two shut the hell up and play cards!” said God Speed. I looked over at God Speed as he closed his hand and took a sip of his cold beer. We were playing cards with Eric and Pam and Kellie at Bill’s house. “Why couldn’t we put air conditioning in Bill’s house again?”
“Because we would have to run the air ducts outside, and Vampires don’t need air conditioning,” I said, sipping my own cold beer. “Are we all in?”

“I call,” said Pam. She slid her chips into the pile and laid her cards on the table. Eric showed his hand. He held his favorite hand, the Vampire’s hand, aces and eights.
“Damn,” I said, throwing down my two pair and getting up from the table. I got up and dug out my money and put it on the pot. Vampires never played just for chips, they always played for money and Eric had won my last $100.
“I told you it would hurt only for a second,” said Eric, smirking at me. I showed him my favorite finger and he smiled even wider. “You need a manicure Aslinn, you have been working your hands to stubs on Bill’s house.”
“Yeah, and next week will see the last of it,” I said. “On the inside at least. We have the outside to paint and the tin roof to put on and the landscaping to do.” I stretched and Barrister came behind me for a snuggle and a kiss.

“Eric, maybe you should arrange to be kidnapped and they would redecorate your house in Shreveport,” said Pam, busily restacking the playing cards while Kellie put the chips away. Jessica was playing Wii with Raki and Dude.
“I don’t need to have my home redecorated,” said Eric, leaning back in his chair. He folded the paper money and handed it to Chris who took it with a smile, looking to see if her mother had noticed. She hadn’t. Renee was working on the data base, her headset on.
“I like your house Eric,” I said. “I like your artwork.”
“Do you like my bed?” he asked.
“I do,” I said. “Does it sleep well?”
“Very well,” he said, carelessly. “Come see for yourself.”
“The only way I would sleep in your bed is if you will it to me,” I said.
“You heard her Barrister, when you make the changes I asked you to make, add that to it,” he said.
“Of course,” said the Barrister.

The Wii gamers finally wore themselves out, well, the human ones. Jessica was still roaring to go. Scarlett came in from the kitchen with a warm Tru:Blood and a cold beer and sat down next to her. I guess all of those new wave gurus were right…it does take a village…to raise a Vampire at least. I wandered onto the wide porch. It was only slightly cooler outside and I listened to the frogs. It was even too hot for the mosquitoes. The insect ones at least. Eric and Pam came out to stretch their legs. Eric took long strides on the boards of the porch. He was holding hands with Kellie, being the courtly Vampire I knew he really wasn’t for the sake of the young woman’s mother who was not that crazy about his careful courtship of her.

I looked at the different cars parked in front of Bill’s antebellum home. There was Barrister’s black Ford truck, extend cab, Fairy’s SUV, Scarlett’s champagne colored car, Eric’s red Corvette, Pam’s forest green Mercedes, Dude’s classic aqua and cream Ford truck, and God Speed and Jen’s electric blue Mustang. Jen came outside. She stretched her back and sighed.

“It is really hot in there,” she said.
“Umm, it is,” I said. “I envy you guys Pam, the heat doesn’t trouble you.”
“That can be remedied,” said Pam. “It would be virtually painless.”
“Virtually, huh?” said Barrister.
“Why wouldn’t you want to be Vampires?” asked Pam. Pam could not imagine why anyone would not want to be a Vampire. To her, being a Vampire was the greatest thing ever, even if she and her kind were a minority, often put upon by bigots.
“Well, there is that whole night for day thing,” I said. I love the night, but I loved to see pretty days, especially the fall. “I do like the daytime.”
“Is that all?” she asked.
“And the whole blood for food thing,” said Barrister. I knew he had been craving a steak and kidney pie.
“But you forget about food,” said Pam.
“You don’t remember food at all?” I asked.
“Some smells are interesting, but we forget about food and what it tasted like,” she said.
“How sad, not to remember things like cake with icing,” I said.
“Or ice cream,” said Jen. “Is that pint of Cherries Garcia still in the fridge?”
“You bet,” I said. Jen turned on her heels to go and get a bowl of ice cream.

“So what else is nice about being a Vampire,” said Barrister.
“Well, of course there is the strength. Even as a new Vampire, you are very strong compared to a human,” she said. “And you don’t get sick, normally.”
“Ummm, that would be nice, unless you got stuck with a silver blade or got a terminal sun burn or a case of yew wood heart break,” I said.
“Well, that is a hazard, but none of the human diseases would plague you,” she said. “Then there is the sex. Magnificent sex.”
But only if you do it with another Vampire, I imagine,” I said. “I mean, humans like having sex with Vampires because they are so…good at it…but are we really good at it for you guys?”
“I can’t speak for you personally Aslinn, but I like sex with humans,” she said. “You are all so warm and yummy.”
“How nice for you,” I said. “Okay, what else?”

“You have all of the time in the world, if you take care of your existence,” said Pam.
“Do you ever get bored?” I asked.
“Oh no, I am always doing something that keeps me busy,” said Pam. “I doubt you would get bored Aslinn, you are always looking for something to do. If you were to become Vampire, you could write books for the enjoyment of Vampires.”
“I do that now,” I said.
“Oh no, you write stories for humans who like Vampires. But if you become Vampire, you would write stories for us,” she said.
“Are there many Vampire authors?” I asked.
“Not many,” she said.
“Pam, it about an hour before dawn,” said Eric.
“Stay,” I said.
“I want to go and sleep in my own bed,” said the Viking.

“Good night Aslinn,” said Pam. She leaned over and pecked my cheek, then kissed Barrister briefly on the lips. “I think I could like you Barrister.” I rolled my eyes at Pam who smiled.
“You will excuse me Barrister, if I don’t kiss you,” said the Viking. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “My offer still stands, Aslinn, if you ever want to sleep in my bed, you are more than welcome.”
“Get out of here Eric,” I said. “Drive safely.”
“I will,” he said.