I was sitting in Bill’s house with Fairy and Renee working on the data base and listening to the straight down rain when the phone rang. Fairy was up and down all evening as if there was a tack in her chair. I reached over and picked up the phone.
“Compton’s residence,” I said.
“Hey, is this Aslinn?” said a high panicky voice.
“Ginger? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You better get over here to Fangtasia, Master Eric is throwing a fit,” she said. I could hear the Vampire screaming and the sounds of heavy things being thrown around the room.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said. I grabbed my smokes and put them in the pocket of my pajama bottoms and a tank top. “You girls wanna ride on out to Fangtasia with me?”
“In our PJ’s?” asked Renee, ogling my shapeless baggy pajama pants with the monopoly man on them and my bare feet. Renee was in a True Blood tee shirt and jogging pants and Fairy was in her Fangtasia tee shirt and a pair of sleep shorts. They were electric blue silky boxers I suspected had once clad the tightly packed rear end of the Viking now tearing up jack from hell to breakfast in Shreveport
“Yeah, I don’t think there is anyone there but a pissed off Viking and a hysterical waitress,” I said.
“What is wrong with Eric?” said Fairy. This must be why she was all up and down.
“I haven’t the foggiest but I thought I would go and get a gander at him, see what he has done to his place,” I said.
“What if it was Pam?” asked Renee.
“I don’t think so, Ginger would have shrieked it at me if something happened to Pam,” I said.
We traipsed out of Bill’s house, I in my bare feet and Fairy and Renee in flip flops. The freshly painted floor of Bill’s porch was cool and wet under my feet and I went down his stairs and my feet ruffled in the soft new sod grass in his front yard. I climbed into the back of Fairy’s SUV and we headed out.
About 45 minutes later, we were pulling into the rear parking lot of Fangtasia. I pounded on the door and I could hear the Viking shouting something in Swedish I suspected was not: Welcome beloved friends and my lover into my humble establishment and partake of wine and beer. No I suspected it was Eff Off.
“Come on Eric let us in, it’s raining and I am in my pajamas!” I yelled. I stamped my feet in place waiting for someone to come around. Finally I heard the lock click and Ginger opened the steel door. “What’s going on?”
“Master Eric is so mad!!!” she said quietly.
“Is it Pam?” asked Renee, as we all came in.
“No, Mistress Pam is still safe. It is Master Eric’s…other wives I think,” she barely said the words aloud as we followed her into the bar. I looked around at the room. Tables were over turned and chairs thrown about but there didn’t seem to be anything seriously damaged. The remains of a laptop computer were on the stage where it had been hurled. I looked at the throne where the Viking was sitting.
“Did you fry your modem Sheriff?” I asked.
“What do you want?” he asked. There was blood on his hands.
“Did you hurt yourself Eric?” I asked. “Or someone else?”
“I did not hurt anyone…yet,” he said.
“Someone piss in your Tru:Blood this evening?” I asked.
“No,” he said. I turned a table over and Renee and Fairy and I turned up chairs for us to sit in while we parlayed with the Viking.
“Doing some remodeling?” I asked. I took out a cigarette and Ginger appeared with three beers and a warm bottle of T:B and an ash tray. “Thirsty Viking…Have heap good fake blood for you.”
He looked at me and stood and stalked off his dais and grabbed an over turned chair and set it right and sat down. He picked up the bottle of Tru:Blood and sipped from it. He still said nothing. Finally he looked at all of us.
“Why aren’t you dressed?” asked Eric.
“Ginger said it was a come as you are party, so we came as we were,” I said.
“Are you finished with Compton’s house?” he asked. He really didn’t care, but I went along with him.
“Sure, and we appreciate the fresh flowers we get every day or so,” I said.
“Have you had something to eat? I can have something brought in,” he offered. This was a big deal for any Vampire because they didn’t eat food and often forgot people had to eat every day.
“We are fine,” I said. “Did you eat?”
“Just this,” he said. He lifted the bottle a little.
Fairy got up and went around the bar and got a clean bar towel and wet it with cool water and went over to clean the Viking’s hands. I knew it was his own blood and he was healed but Vampires just were indifferent about blood on their bodies. She came around, her flip flops making that soft flapping sound. She squatted down and wiped the blood off his hands. He watched her unblinking.
“Okay Eric, what is your problem?” I said. “You see something you didn’t like? I mean, come on man, your temple was so big we had to start a new thread for you.”
“I don’t understand them,” said the Viking.
“Who? The girls? Are they on about that mutt again?” I asked. He nodded.
“Spoiled rotten, I swear,” I said.
“I would rather they would go to Compton than that mutt,” he said.
“That is quite something to say,” I said. “I think you are getting heated up for nothing Eric.”
“Don’t they understand they are mine?” he said.
“Maybe you should sit down with them and explain what you think that whole mine thing means to you, then ask them what it means to them,” I said. “You know, if you keep getting all heated up over this, you are going to look a lot like Franklin Mott.”
“That is insulting,” said Eric.
“Sorry,” I said. “These are modern girls; they feel like they can care about you and still look at Alcide. You should not take it so personally.”
“Think of it this way,” said Renee. “They are getting their appetites outside, but they are eating at home.”
“Besides,” said Fairy. “They may feel entitled to look around since you get to play with others.”
“Yvetta is just food,” said Eric.
“Well, humans don’t have sex with their food, generally,” I said. “And if you do, they lock you up.” Eric looked at me with a hard look.
“I cannot be expected to behave like a human man, I am not human, my needs for total devotion are exquisite, faithfulness is paramount,” he said.
“You are sooooo a human man,” said Renee. “You think my human spouse likes the time I spend with Bill? He absolutely hates him.”
“And Barrister is not that pleased with my relationship with Bill, though I had it long before I had my relationship with him,” I said. “And I am sure there are other human spouses who do not appreciate the devotion some of the other members give to Pam or Jessica. Or you…do you know how many wives you have?”
“I do know I have a great many lovers,” he said.
“So many you do not always get to spend enough time with them. Too bad you were not twins Eric, he could have handled some of your …ah…overflow,” I said.
Eric smiled his lopsided smile. I liked to see him smile far more than I liked to see him mad. Eric angry was scary. I looked at him. “They love you Eric, they are crazy about your smile.”
“The way you stride into a room,” said Renee.
“Your flirty ways,” said Fairy.
“Your other assets,” I said. “You give that mutt too much of your attention. He is so not an alpha.”
“You are a red hot smoking Vampire…he needs a flea dip,” said Renee…which was a lot considering she was devoted to Bill. Eric winked at Renee.
“I may win you yet Renee,” he said.
“See that ruins it for me,” she said.
“So, do you have any Vampire erotica for me to peruse?” I asked. “I don’t think I have looked at any Vampire porn.”
“Vampire erotica is the art of our sexuality, it is not at all like human pornography,” he said, his voice all snotty. “Besides, human can’t do what Vampires do sexually. You aren’t strong enough.”
“Well, it would be fun trying, before you went into spasm and everything locked up,” I said. “Can you really do it for six hours Eric.”
“Would you like to find out?” he asked.
“Not shopping Eric, just looking for general information,” I said. “So, what makes Vampire erotica different from human porn?”
“Our focus is different,” he said. “The blood is very erotic.”
“See, I knew you were going to say that…” I said.
“All Vampires like it,” he said. “Even Bill.”
“Hello, I am a sister wife…wonder how weres do it,” I said.
“Canus,” said the Viking to no one in particular. I choked a bit on my beer.
“See Eric, they don’t love him, they just love his doggie style,” I said. Eric was the one to choke a little mid sip. He grinned his lopsided grin. “I knew I could get you to smile.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCU5G_AaJ2M&feature=related
“So…you got any of that Vampire erotica Eric?” asked Renee.
Eric stood up, walked across the room to his office. Fairy and I both leaned back to enjoy the view. Hey, I’m devoted, not dead. He was in there a moment and came back with a large soft bound book. He sat it on the table…Vampyre l’Amore…I looked up at him. He smiled. I opened it.
“Oh my God,” I said. “How in the hell can she get twisted around like that?” Fairy gasped and shook her head.
“Look at him…he looks…deformed…” said Renee of a male Vampire posing brazenly on red satin. “Do you know these Vampires?”
“Some of them,” said Eric.
“See, that would be…I would be crippled if I tried to do that,” said Fairy.
“Yeah, my leg would fall off,” I said. “Now, that is just nasty, even for Vampires.” I said, pointing at a picture.
“That is quite fun actually,” said Eric.
“Figures,” I said.
“And looky here,” said Fairy. I leaned over. It was a very naked picture of a very happy Vampire Sheriff.
“Good Lord Eric, you are so shameless,” said Renee, averting her eyes. “That is really TMI.”
“I never had you down for this sort of caper Eric,” I said. “Well, enough stroking your ego Viking, I am ready for bed.”
“I am too,” said Renee.
“How about you Fairy dearest?” asked Eric. “Ready for bed?”
Our Fairy..taking one for the team. I don’t think she minds really.
“Compton’s residence,” I said.
“Hey, is this Aslinn?” said a high panicky voice.
“Ginger? What’s wrong?” I asked.
“You better get over here to Fangtasia, Master Eric is throwing a fit,” she said. I could hear the Vampire screaming and the sounds of heavy things being thrown around the room.
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I said. I grabbed my smokes and put them in the pocket of my pajama bottoms and a tank top. “You girls wanna ride on out to Fangtasia with me?”
“In our PJ’s?” asked Renee, ogling my shapeless baggy pajama pants with the monopoly man on them and my bare feet. Renee was in a True Blood tee shirt and jogging pants and Fairy was in her Fangtasia tee shirt and a pair of sleep shorts. They were electric blue silky boxers I suspected had once clad the tightly packed rear end of the Viking now tearing up jack from hell to breakfast in Shreveport
“Yeah, I don’t think there is anyone there but a pissed off Viking and a hysterical waitress,” I said.
“What is wrong with Eric?” said Fairy. This must be why she was all up and down.
“I haven’t the foggiest but I thought I would go and get a gander at him, see what he has done to his place,” I said.
“What if it was Pam?” asked Renee.
“I don’t think so, Ginger would have shrieked it at me if something happened to Pam,” I said.
We traipsed out of Bill’s house, I in my bare feet and Fairy and Renee in flip flops. The freshly painted floor of Bill’s porch was cool and wet under my feet and I went down his stairs and my feet ruffled in the soft new sod grass in his front yard. I climbed into the back of Fairy’s SUV and we headed out.
About 45 minutes later, we were pulling into the rear parking lot of Fangtasia. I pounded on the door and I could hear the Viking shouting something in Swedish I suspected was not: Welcome beloved friends and my lover into my humble establishment and partake of wine and beer. No I suspected it was Eff Off.
“Come on Eric let us in, it’s raining and I am in my pajamas!” I yelled. I stamped my feet in place waiting for someone to come around. Finally I heard the lock click and Ginger opened the steel door. “What’s going on?”
“Master Eric is so mad!!!” she said quietly.
“Is it Pam?” asked Renee, as we all came in.
“No, Mistress Pam is still safe. It is Master Eric’s…other wives I think,” she barely said the words aloud as we followed her into the bar. I looked around at the room. Tables were over turned and chairs thrown about but there didn’t seem to be anything seriously damaged. The remains of a laptop computer were on the stage where it had been hurled. I looked at the throne where the Viking was sitting.
“Did you fry your modem Sheriff?” I asked.
“What do you want?” he asked. There was blood on his hands.
“Did you hurt yourself Eric?” I asked. “Or someone else?”
“I did not hurt anyone…yet,” he said.
“Someone piss in your Tru:Blood this evening?” I asked.
“No,” he said. I turned a table over and Renee and Fairy and I turned up chairs for us to sit in while we parlayed with the Viking.
“Doing some remodeling?” I asked. I took out a cigarette and Ginger appeared with three beers and a warm bottle of T:B and an ash tray. “Thirsty Viking…Have heap good fake blood for you.”
He looked at me and stood and stalked off his dais and grabbed an over turned chair and set it right and sat down. He picked up the bottle of Tru:Blood and sipped from it. He still said nothing. Finally he looked at all of us.
“Why aren’t you dressed?” asked Eric.
“Ginger said it was a come as you are party, so we came as we were,” I said.
“Are you finished with Compton’s house?” he asked. He really didn’t care, but I went along with him.
“Sure, and we appreciate the fresh flowers we get every day or so,” I said.
“Have you had something to eat? I can have something brought in,” he offered. This was a big deal for any Vampire because they didn’t eat food and often forgot people had to eat every day.
“We are fine,” I said. “Did you eat?”
“Just this,” he said. He lifted the bottle a little.
Fairy got up and went around the bar and got a clean bar towel and wet it with cool water and went over to clean the Viking’s hands. I knew it was his own blood and he was healed but Vampires just were indifferent about blood on their bodies. She came around, her flip flops making that soft flapping sound. She squatted down and wiped the blood off his hands. He watched her unblinking.
“Okay Eric, what is your problem?” I said. “You see something you didn’t like? I mean, come on man, your temple was so big we had to start a new thread for you.”
“I don’t understand them,” said the Viking.
“Who? The girls? Are they on about that mutt again?” I asked. He nodded.
“Spoiled rotten, I swear,” I said.
“I would rather they would go to Compton than that mutt,” he said.
“That is quite something to say,” I said. “I think you are getting heated up for nothing Eric.”
“Don’t they understand they are mine?” he said.
“Maybe you should sit down with them and explain what you think that whole mine thing means to you, then ask them what it means to them,” I said. “You know, if you keep getting all heated up over this, you are going to look a lot like Franklin Mott.”
“That is insulting,” said Eric.
“Sorry,” I said. “These are modern girls; they feel like they can care about you and still look at Alcide. You should not take it so personally.”
“Think of it this way,” said Renee. “They are getting their appetites outside, but they are eating at home.”
“Besides,” said Fairy. “They may feel entitled to look around since you get to play with others.”
“Yvetta is just food,” said Eric.
“Well, humans don’t have sex with their food, generally,” I said. “And if you do, they lock you up.” Eric looked at me with a hard look.
“I cannot be expected to behave like a human man, I am not human, my needs for total devotion are exquisite, faithfulness is paramount,” he said.
“You are sooooo a human man,” said Renee. “You think my human spouse likes the time I spend with Bill? He absolutely hates him.”
“And Barrister is not that pleased with my relationship with Bill, though I had it long before I had my relationship with him,” I said. “And I am sure there are other human spouses who do not appreciate the devotion some of the other members give to Pam or Jessica. Or you…do you know how many wives you have?”
“I do know I have a great many lovers,” he said.
“So many you do not always get to spend enough time with them. Too bad you were not twins Eric, he could have handled some of your …ah…overflow,” I said.
Eric smiled his lopsided smile. I liked to see him smile far more than I liked to see him mad. Eric angry was scary. I looked at him. “They love you Eric, they are crazy about your smile.”
“The way you stride into a room,” said Renee.
“Your flirty ways,” said Fairy.
“Your other assets,” I said. “You give that mutt too much of your attention. He is so not an alpha.”
“You are a red hot smoking Vampire…he needs a flea dip,” said Renee…which was a lot considering she was devoted to Bill. Eric winked at Renee.
“I may win you yet Renee,” he said.
“See that ruins it for me,” she said.
“So, do you have any Vampire erotica for me to peruse?” I asked. “I don’t think I have looked at any Vampire porn.”
“Vampire erotica is the art of our sexuality, it is not at all like human pornography,” he said, his voice all snotty. “Besides, human can’t do what Vampires do sexually. You aren’t strong enough.”
“Well, it would be fun trying, before you went into spasm and everything locked up,” I said. “Can you really do it for six hours Eric.”
“Would you like to find out?” he asked.
“Not shopping Eric, just looking for general information,” I said. “So, what makes Vampire erotica different from human porn?”
“Our focus is different,” he said. “The blood is very erotic.”
“See, I knew you were going to say that…” I said.
“All Vampires like it,” he said. “Even Bill.”
“Hello, I am a sister wife…wonder how weres do it,” I said.
“Canus,” said the Viking to no one in particular. I choked a bit on my beer.
“See Eric, they don’t love him, they just love his doggie style,” I said. Eric was the one to choke a little mid sip. He grinned his lopsided grin. “I knew I could get you to smile.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCU5G_AaJ2M&feature=related
“So…you got any of that Vampire erotica Eric?” asked Renee.
Eric stood up, walked across the room to his office. Fairy and I both leaned back to enjoy the view. Hey, I’m devoted, not dead. He was in there a moment and came back with a large soft bound book. He sat it on the table…Vampyre l’Amore…I looked up at him. He smiled. I opened it.
“Oh my God,” I said. “How in the hell can she get twisted around like that?” Fairy gasped and shook her head.
“Look at him…he looks…deformed…” said Renee of a male Vampire posing brazenly on red satin. “Do you know these Vampires?”
“Some of them,” said Eric.
“See, that would be…I would be crippled if I tried to do that,” said Fairy.
“Yeah, my leg would fall off,” I said. “Now, that is just nasty, even for Vampires.” I said, pointing at a picture.
“That is quite fun actually,” said Eric.
“Figures,” I said.
“And looky here,” said Fairy. I leaned over. It was a very naked picture of a very happy Vampire Sheriff.
“Good Lord Eric, you are so shameless,” said Renee, averting her eyes. “That is really TMI.”
“I never had you down for this sort of caper Eric,” I said. “Well, enough stroking your ego Viking, I am ready for bed.”
“I am too,” said Renee.
“How about you Fairy dearest?” asked Eric. “Ready for bed?”
Our Fairy..taking one for the team. I don’t think she minds really.
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