If you leave I won't cry
I won't waste single day
But if you leave, no don't look back
I'll be running the other way
OMD - If You Leave Lyrics
He was standing there, in the sun, feeling its warmth but not its burning but he could take no joy in it. He had killed....without mercy....and still the pain was there and he felt surrounded by it. It stung, like a million bees puncturing his flesh and injecting feverish poisons into his body. The poison was the bitterness of his grief and the belief there was nothing good for him to feel anymore, not the touch of a lover, the handshake of a friend, the warmth of someone embracing you when they danced next to you or the heat of sex. He was never warm physically speaking, but Eric for all the fact his heart did not beat, was a warm person to those he deemed worthy of his friendship.
He continued to stand there. They were dancing. It just made him remember the song they sang in the streets during the time of plague, the song that reminded him of his sister before she was reborn in the life after death: Rings around the Rosies, Pockets full of Posies, Ashes, ashes, they all fall down.....He could not even take joy in their celebration for their freedom and the fact they were in the sun. If this had happened before, he would have been giddy, like a child, and played in the sun, as he had when he drank that fairy and he was swimming in the pond and the sun and the water danced on his cool skin and he was Aegir and he was the king of the sea in his mind and he was again the child who played by the North Sea when he was human and he had the love and warmth of his people and his family around him. They were gone now too.
Still standing there. He was thirsty. Vampire blood was not nourishing to Vampires and he had not fed not really. Warlow's blood had made him able to stand there in the golden day, but had not fed him. He watched Pam. She was like a little girl. He supposed only a Vampire could overlook the savage fangs and her bloody mouth and see her happiness in the sun. He was relieved nothing more serious had not happened to her and she had made a deal with the doctor to get out of solitary and do what she had to do. Pam was a survivor. She did what she had to do and he was pleased she was able to get her revenge. But even that pleasure was short lived. He loved her, but even she would not be able to bridge the chasm he felt in his own heart.
He spared a thought to Bill. He had just come out, he had survived his near draining and he was still walking in the sun and they were clapping. For all of his distrust and anger with Bill that he could not save Nora, he was content that Bill had survived. If he hadn't he would not have cared, but since he did...that was fine too. He wondered if he would have fed Eric had he been there. He decided he likely would have. As despicable as Steve Newlin was, Bill wanted to feed him too, but Eric could not have that.
That is when she saw him. Pam turned, looking for the one man she truely loved, that she did not treat like a john and he never treated her like a whore, his child, his daughter, his one time lover, his hunting partner. They did sport themselves among the humans and rank their fill together and they did laugh and frolic as only Vampires can with full bellies and bloody grins, but there had been tenderness between them too. See, the blood was just that, blood, but the connection he had with her was close to the connection he had with Nora, his sister. Nora did not understand Pam, not until the end.
She stood there, seeing him, loving him. He knew she loved him. Even though he had released her, he knew she loved him and he truly did love her and that was why he had to fly away from her. He could not stand losing her. He knew this mess was not over. He felt cowardly...not willing to stay by her side to see if she lived or died the true death.
Don't you Dare Leave Me!
And he was gone.
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