Girls Night Out

I had been to London many times but never with someone like Pam. She was a force of nature as she shopped, wielding Eric’s black AMEX card like a mighty sword. She had bags and bundles with her full of clothes and shoes and a few things Eric told her to pick up. I suspected it was not a set of silky boxers with smiley faces on them.

We stopped at Blood and Donuts. It was the Vampire equivalent of a tea shop. They served tea and coffee and they did have donuts, but they also served Red Ale and Bloody Shamrock, a cheap blood substitute Pam would not even look at. We pulled together a few of the tables and pulled the chairs around. We ordered Red Ale for the fanged set and tea and coffee and the pastry plate for the humans. Jessica was pouting because number one, Kellie had gone to Surrey to hide out from some pretty narrow minded Vampires back home, and James said he would hang out with the boys and do the manly thing, which was watch the soccer games and drink beer and blood and listen to Bill’s phone ring and his footfalls as he went upstairs and out of the mancave. Each time it happened, Eric’s eyes were narrowed as he watched the blur that was Bill go upstairs. I was not sure if he was irritated on mine and Renee’s account or if he was just irritated.

But I was not concerned with Bill, I was happy to be in London with Pam. Pam is a toothsome gal with a thousand watt sense of humor. Her cutting edge sarcasm was something she shared with Tara who had her own brand of humor and Willa was a little shy, nothing like her maker, and nothing like her big sister. She was a little romantic and though she had joined me in reading the Black Dagger Brotherhood, she insisted Phury was the most romantic fictional Vampire she had ever read. Renee and I rolled our eyes about that, we thought Phury needed a high colonic. Pam had to agree but then she liked Payne and Xhex.

“So Bill has been neglecting you girls,” said Pam.
“Yeah, I am about to run a stake through his phone,” said Renee. “At least when he was possessed by Lilith, he was interesting in a scary way.” I said nothing. I was glad that Bill was back, but I would like to have his attention a little more. I knew in my heart he was on his way back to Bon Temps, and very likely he would go before we did. Eric was holding firm. He wanted an English Yule and New Years. Then we could head back to America and he would deal with what was going on at Shreveport. As far as he could tell, the bar was okay, still closed and he made sure there was cash enough to pay his waitresses and Chow who were taking care of the property.
“I bought Eric a nice gift for Yule,” said Jessica.
“Oh yeah? What did you get him?” asked Tara.
“I got him a new wallet,” she said. “He needs one, I saw how worn out his was the other night when Pam got his card.”
“Excellent choice,” said Pam. “I got him some silk shirts, he always likes silk shirts.”
“I ordered him something,” said Minnie. “But I don’t know that he will like it.”
“What did you get him Minnie dear?” asked Pam. Pam liked Minnie though she was the polar opposite of her. I think it is all the times she saw Minnie whip around with a Glock 9 mm in her hand guarding her maker’s back.
“I ordered him a matched pair of pistols with mother of pearl grips in a double shoulder holster,” she said.
“Oh, he will love them,” said Pam.
“I know a guy who makes fine firearms, so I ordered them a while back. I had Alcide pick them up and send them here, I just hope they make it through customs,” she said.
“Did you send it by Anubis Air Post?” asked Pam.
“Yes,” she said.
“Then you should have no trouble,” she said. “They don’t search Air Anubis packages, as Renee well knows.”
“Man, that moose stew you made was delicious,” I said to Renee.
“Well, I don’t know what I am going to get Eric or Bill,” said Aolani.
“Lumps of coal for Bill Compton,” said Renee, still seething. “I got Eric some Viking music, some band called Norse Storm, they do the traditional stuff then they hit some pretty hard core heavy metal stuff.”
“I got Eric something for his garden,” I said. “I found a great statute of Odin for his garden.”
“What did you get Bill?” asked Willa.
“I got him some cds and books and I got him a book of military weaponry,” I said.
“I still have not bought him anything,” said Renee.
“I bought Bill a leather coat,” said Jessica.
“Eric would look good in leather,” said Willa.
“He looks great in anything,” said Minnie.
“Even undershorts with smiley faces?” asked Tara.
“Especially in under shorts with smiley faces,” said Minnie.
“I have no idea what to get Bill or Eric,” said Tara.
“What did you get me?” asked Pam
“I’m not telling,” she said. Renee and I had helped Tara buy an outfit for Pam, in her usual classy midcentury style.
“So what would you like for Christmas Willa?” asked Aolani.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Maybe another romantic Vampire series to read.”
“Um…you have it bad, we need to find you a boyfriend,” said Jessica.
“There is someone I like very much but I know he doesn’t like me that way,” she said.
“Who?” asked Jessica.
“I can’t tell you that,” she said.
“Well if it is Phury, you would have to shove a stick of dynamite under his ass to get him to kiss you…or you would have to make the first move,” said Renee.
“Maybe you should take your own advice,” said Pam.
“Oh yeah?” she said.
“Shove a stick of dynamite in Bill’s ass,” said Pam.
"Under, Pam, under his ass," I said.
"In, under...it's all the same to me," said Pam.